Unrighteous Anger

I was watching this documentary last night on CNN about the assassination of JFK.  As I watched, I tried to put myself in 1963 and feel the pain that millions of Americans felt on that day.  And then I thought..."if the same thing happened to our President today, would I feel that same sadness?"  I'd like to think I would...but I could feel deep down the doubt in my heart...that maybe I wouldn't be all that sad.  And that made me really sad.

In light of recent events in our country, to say that I have been frustrated is indeed an understatement.  I believe some of that frustration is valid.  But somewhere down the line, that frustration has planted its little seed, slowly growing into an ugly weed that progressively wants to claim more of my heart.

A few weeks ago at church, the pastor talked about the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger, and how Jesus himself felt righteous anger towards those who were dishonoring God.  I remember learning about that concept a few years ago, and I always used it as a way to justify the frustration I felt against certain political people and ideologies.  But then after that sermon, my cousin brought up something that I never thought about.  He said that while Jesus had righteous anger, He was also perfect and never sinned.  And so He could perfectly control that anger and feel and express it in a way that was not tainted by hatred or bitterness.  I'm not saying that it's impossible for us to feel righteous anger, but after he said that, I seriously started questioning whether my anger was truly righteous or could ever be righteous.  Maybe it was like the feeling that the Jews had in Acts 2 after Peter tells them about Jesus whom they crucified, and they were "cut to the heart."  I don't want to be too dramatic and say it was like a sword that pierced my heart and convicted me....but more like the Spirit has recently been poking me in the side and saying, "Kristina, you need to watch yourself." 

Satan is a scary little bugger.  He has a way of taking small things and making them into big things.  Tiny bits of anger that come up here and there easily fuse into a huge monster of hatred that casts its shadow over you continuously.  And then before you know it, that bitterness consumes you so much to the point that you question whether or not the death of a particular person would sadden you.  What a grievous realization.

So let me cut to the chase here.  This is in no way me resigning the political ideologies I hold or deciding to be apathetic to the circumstances of our country.  But this is me confessing the sinfulness of my frustration and anger in the realm of politics.  This is me confessing that I have let Satan gain a foothold on my heart and declaring that Jesus can set me free from the bonds of bitterness.  This is me realizing that, in the midst of my anger, I get caught up in my tiny little mind, and I forget the grandness of God and the sovereignty of His plan for the whole world.  And I can lose sight of what's most important:  that at the end of the day, whether you're on the Right or Left of certain issues, Jesus is the Son of God, and He came to this world so that we might live.  I pray that this truth would shape my attitude towards everything, that I would be able to take a step back from every situation, good or bad, and rejoice in the One who is Himself slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  As David says in Psalm 131, I pray that I would not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me, but that I would calm and quiet my soul before the Lord and submit to His wisdom that infinitely surpasses my own.

It's times like this that truly amaze me because every time Jesus shows me how much I suck and how much I desperately need Him, He also makes more real to me how much He loves despite the wickedness of my heart.  I hope I can learn to love like He loves.  I hope I can learn to respond to frustrating situations with grace first.  I hope I can learn to truly care for those who have different opinions than me, instead of just saying that I do.  It will be an interesting and challenging journey trying to balance my strong convictions with a heart of love.  Good thing Jesus does the transformation and not me.